If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
