can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
