Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
