my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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