I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
