it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The feeling are messing with the penis
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
