well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
