glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
