Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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