My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
