Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
