how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
