farters have to be the big spoon...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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