Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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