Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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