I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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