I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
