I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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