pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
