So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
