I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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