By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
