i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
