She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
