That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
