??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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