I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
FUCK WHALES
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