Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
