this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
