i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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