god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
