I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I can't turn off my feet"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
