Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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