Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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