ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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