I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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