I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
