she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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