i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
