It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
