this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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