I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
