This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
