She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
