after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
