so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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