She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
