Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
