I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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