No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
