I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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