i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
