its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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