my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
