yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
