listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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