your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
