Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
