remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
