Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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