How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
