I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
