four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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