i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
