do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
