I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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