i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
