just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
