were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
